and the song...

and some more ...

Aah, some video ...

Then they grow all up ... sigh

My Beauty

All Grown Up

(almost)

and then there's medium

Cutting up as usual. :)

*sigh*

She's so pretty.

in my Mom's costume pearls no less.

*sigh*

It went so fast.

An entire town DEMOLISHED ...

By my precious children!

Small and Medium

The destruction was unparalleled ...

They ate most of the decorations ...

Leaving no home ...

or train untouched ...

Of course, I let them only eat off there own creations

and they mostly

stuck to that. :)

(Tall was mysteriously missing during the above photo shoot. hmm.)

We decided with the abundant amount of mice we are catching

right now (read: 3 in one day)

we had better remove any enticing food items off counters.

the Gingerbread was short lived this year,

yet,

enjoyed more, I believe.

Gingerbread Village and Trains, oh my ...

This is the top of Small's train.

He did all the detail work himself,

once Mommy piped the icing.

This year, we got a Mini village for Tall instead of 1 house.

It had more candy and different colored icing.

and each boy got a train.

This is Tall's Village!

Very detailed and creative.

"Goodnight snowman, I'll most likely eat you in the morning."

"Dread Pirate Tall"

Each house had a different cookie design.

Great accents throughout town.

The "I want sprinkles" walkway!

Snowman on right with purple border.

Nice icing scarf and buttons!

Small's Train

The "W" Car!

Medium's Train

Please note the beautiful face and

peppermint pathway!

the green icing is the grass

and the white is the snow.

Yes, those are gummy worms!

The "M" Train!

Gorgeous work!

We had a great night decorating... and then I put the children off eating it for a few days,

by not photographing until today! ha.

Yes, they pull the candy off them until they are stripped clean.

The boys will eat a few of the wheel cookies too.

Dearest Angel Baby Cadence Selah:

Dearest Angel Baby Cadence:



Hoped for you, prayed for you, discovered you, rejoiced over you,



went to the doctor and began looking for you, were were you hiding?



A few weeks later, finally found you with ultrasound!



Saw you!



Heard and saw your heart beating!



Wept as the realization of your incorrect location sank in.



Said Goodbye.



Wept every day since.



Love & Hugs,



Brokenhearted Mommy

We miss you baby Cadence...

A year ago today our precious little one was born to God.




My arms ache for that baby.



My heart longs for that little one.



I am brokenhearted. I remain brokenhearted.



Last year on this day my life changed.

My heart was broken in an eternally broken way.

I want to believe God, but I don't trust Him (which simply means I don't understand His ways.)




December 1, 2009 changed my everything:



I had to stand in the place of killing my own child to save my life.



I had to stop a heartbeat. ... a heartbeat I got to see.



They tell me there was no way to save the baby. I believed for a miracle. I prayed for it.



yet, God did not save my baby... though I asked and prayed and pleaded and believed for it.




How do I believe for anything miraculous ever again? for anything?




Last year my natural ability to conceive a child was ended with the tubal pregnancy.




How do I believe for more blessings in the future?

How do I believe for the supernatural?

why would God end my fruitfulness? close my womb? render me barren?





IVF is an option. an very expensive option. (15 k)



Adoption is an option. an incredibly expensive option. (30 k)




In my heart, both of those things mean being fruitful ... but do they mean I caused myself to be blessed?



If I did not want to be broken (read: fixed) and submitted myself to the Lord; for Him to have control over my fruitfulness by blessing us with as many children as He wanted us to have ...


am I taking it back by having IVF or Adopting?



I believe that He makes a baby "stick" in the uterus, no matter who may place a fertilized egg in there.


I do think our self will can run us outside His will for our lives. I would not want to be so set on something that I run outside His will.



Sure, you can tell me to seek Him out and pray for discernment ... contend etc.



I did that last year when I was pregnant, and there is no good answer for how that went.



So really ... there are not answers for this

or for my heart.

sigh.

My handsome men ...

and my beautiful girl!
taking some geeky and gorgeous pics of herself!

the men...

Handsome!

Medium builds ...

Fantastic!

A Birthday Party

A week ago (or so)

we were invited to a 2nd Birthday Party for a friend.

This is Bevo Mill in St. Louis

(we were right around the corner at the party!) This is Gabby (B's Mommy)

Medium and Small

In the backyard

clowning around with the wagon.

I know, I know

I think they are very cute too!

It was lovely weather for late November!

Small putting a ball inside the grill

with Mr. Meany

Small in the background contemplating that device.

and B in the foreground!

B and Small

B and small playing in the leftover fall hay

They had a blast!

Friends!

headed for fun...

More wagon fun

with all the little ones

Medium pulled them around for hours

B playing a flute

Happy Birthday little man,

Thanks for having us!